Story by Kelvin Mutune; Machakos, Kenya.
My pen bleeds again and it’s my beloved K-Road I want to talk about. But before that, I wish to thank all who read my other article on Kenyatta Road and went on ahead to read my other articles and poems. I write for people to read and it gives me much joy when I achieve that aim.
Back to business.
When I moved to Kenyatta Road last year, I didn’t expect it to be this fun. I mean, what’s fun about dusty roads (MCA, see to this) and kikuyu-speaking folk (no offence intended). I only knew a few people and they rarely visit my man-cave. So I turned to solitude and embraced it with all I had. I would stay indoors from Friday evening to Monday morning and still be alright. For those who know me from a personal level they’ll tell you that I love reading. So I would stock up on coffee, snacks and a whole new playlist then get to my weekend. That has since changed, I now have what you rich kids call a clique.
This was initiated at a movie shop in New Wood where I go pick movies and music from. I was a loyal customer who would go for the latest music and movies regularly but at first it was all business until the attendant, the first member of my ‘Those-who-shan’t-be-named’ clique, told me one fateful Friday evening that maybe I should hang out there longer to see if I’ll like the people who frequent his business premise, not to buy movies but to pass time. I agreed.
Later that night, I was to meet one very beautiful lady, and a bunch of other guys who are the funniest folk ever to live. I tried to milk the phone number out of that pretty girl, I succeeded in getting her number only to be friend-zoned later that night. Her name is Narnia (Narnia business). I loved the people there and from that day onwards, my ‘Those-who-shan’t-be-named’ clique began growing. Every evening, I make a point of going to that movie shop and say hi to folks.
Those-who-shan’t-be-named is no ordinary clique. We tell of stories that are not meant to be said out aloud, but we still do tell those stories, and if they are funny we will laugh our *beeeep * out. We will compliment a lady with the most insanely honest words in the English Lingua, then we will appreciate the beauty with our eyes. Many of you will call that ‘ufisi‘ but we prefer to call it ‘Appreciating God’s work with our eyes wide open’. We will talk of our high school days till late at night and we will only go to sleep because the Police canter ‘Black Maria‘ has been seen roaming around looking for victims.
So Narnia and some friend from my high school days had been inviting me to this awesome church not far from where I live. I heeded their call one Sunday and accompanied them. It was a wonderful experience I tell you. I met totally new people and all. But most of all I learnt the new and rich meaning of clique.
These rich kids will never cease to amaze me. I knew that a clique is a group of people you hang out with until I met the rich kids of K-Road. I learnt that a clique is not a clique unless you eat pizza every Tuesday. I learnt a clique is not a clique unless you all have foreign accents when hanging out. And most importantly, a clique is not a clique unless you take selfies and pics of everything you are doing. Being a resourceful young man aspiring to be rich someday, I decided to introduce my findings to Those-who-shan’t-be-named. I was received well, with a good laughter and a hell whole lot of roasting. I was called all kinds of names that day, and even one asked, “Mimi unaona nikikaa light skin? Mimi?”. Well, he’s nothing close to lightskin, I even doubt if it’s a skin he has. It might be a hide for all I care.
Being a Rich Kid, or trying to be one, has its consequences. You can’t live in peace without a clique. And mark you, if you are terrible at taking selfies like I am, you’ll have trouble fitting in. You’ll meet your friend who is a rich kid, and also lightskin, who is wearing make up, a matte lipstick and a crop top and ask her what she’s been up to. Her fake American accent will kick in as she narrates, ” Aaaawww, on Monday I went with my clique to Java for Coffee as we talked about KUWTK, oh my! It was really nice to see them. Then Tuesday we went to imax to watch triple X and later went to Pizza Inn to grab some pizza. Alafu ebu imagine Patty Alikula pizza mzima peke yake. We took an Uber home and met in Two Rivers on Wednesday for some coldstone…” She’ll continue yapping about her Uber rides, the the model who wants to date her (you had all along thought the model was gay until then) then you’ll go home to have some time of your own to see your life and try to correct where you went wrong. You’ll look up KUWTK in Google only to find its Keeping up with the Kardashians.
Selfies of her eating pizza with her clique, or drinking coldstone or outside imax will get you doubting if yours is a clique or a bunch of guys who think alike. Then you’ll painfully remember how you and your bunch of guys had planned to go to Imax at dawn so that you pay 200 for a movie and then go home after that to take brunch. Sad, right?